Mount Vernon High School

THE COURAGE TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE: WHY GOOD PARENTS CREATE DIFFICULT MOMENTS Wayne Goldsmith May 14 THREE KEY CONCEPTS: Comfort is the enemy of growth—especially in youth sports Parents must intentionally create uncomfortable (but LOVING,supportive and safe) challenges for athletic development The courage to let your child struggle may be the greatest parenting skill of all The most important athletic quality your child needs cannot be taught by any coach. It's not speed, strength, or agility. It's resilience—the ability to face adversity, adapt, and come back stronger. And here's the uncomfortable truth: You, as a parent, are either systematically building this quality or systematically destroying it every day. Most parents I've worked with over three decades are unintentionally choosing the latter option. They're raising physically gifted but mentally fragile athletes who crumble at the first sign of real challenge. Why? Because they've confused love with comfort. They believe good parenting means preventing discomfort. They rush to solve problems. They intervene at the first sign of struggle. They remove obstacles. They cushion falls. But elite performance—in sports and in life—is built in moments of discomfort. Consider this story from my work with a professional football team: A talented 19-year-old athlete was struggling with the transition to the professional level. His coaches were baffled. He had all the physical tools but couldn't handle pressure situations. During a parent meeting, I discovered the problem. His mother still woke him up every morning. She still made his breakfast. She still packed his training bag. She even called his coaches when he was running late. In her mind, she was being supportive. In reality, she was crippling him. The best sporting parents understand that their job isn't to make sports comfortable—it's to help their children develop the tools to handle discomfort effectively. This requires the courage to: Create natural consequences. If your child forgets their equipment, don't rush to bring it. Let them experience the coach's response and learn from it. Allow them to feel disappointment. When they don't make the team, resist the urge to call the coach or tell them it doesn't matter. Sit with them in their disappointment and help them process it. Give them ownership of their sporting journey. Let them set their own alarm, pack their own bag, and communicate with their own coaches—even when you know they might fail at these tasks. Normalize struggle as part of growth. Help them understand that discomfort isn't a sign something is wrong—it's a sign they're growing. This approach feels counterintuitive to most parents. It requires tremendous courage to watch your child struggle when you could easily step in. But this discomfort—yours and theirs—is precisely where growth happens. I once asked an Olympic gold medalist about her parents' greatest contribution to her success. Her answer surprised me: "They gave me the space to figure things out on my own. They were there if I needed them, but they never rushed in to save me." This is what I call "the courage to be uncomfortable"—the willingness to sit with your own parental discomfort so your child can develop the resilience they'll need for long-term success. SUMMARY: True athletic development requires parents to have the courage to allow their children to experience safe but challenging situations. By resisting the urge to make everything comfortable, you build the resilience that ultimately matters more than any physical talent. The most loving thing you can do for your athletic child isn't to protect them from difficulty—it's to help them develop the tools to overcome it. Ready to develop the courage to parent uncomfortable? Subscribe at waynegoldsmith.substack.com for weekly insights on building athletes with championship character.