Mount Vernon High School

November 15, 2024 Don't Negotiate Each one of us is naturally better at making commitments than we are at keeping them. In our moments of motivation, we see clearly not only what it is we want to do or who it is we want to become, but what exactly it will take for us to get there. We outline the necessary steps and we pledge to do whatever it takes. Making commitments, we are pretty good at. But keeping those commitments? Not so much. Usually it’s not long before the harsh reality of doing what we said we were gonna do sets in. Getting off the couch is harder than we thought it’d be. We’ve suddenly got a ton of other stuff on our plate, and some unexpected circumstances have complicated our pursuit. We’re sick or tired or sore, and frankly, just don’t feel like doing what needs to be done. This is our moment of testing. While our inner champion is begging us to remember what we said we wanted and the commitment we made to getting there, our inner loser is convincing us to sleep in, to take it easy, and to bail on our winning pursuit. We feel conflicted as these two voices wrestle for supremacy in our head. It’s usually about this time that a new and often refreshing voice steps into the conversation. It’s the voice of our inner negotiator. The job of negotiators is simple. They show up to diffuse the situation and to help two opposing sides come to an agreement. The negotiator in our head recognizes the arguments of both parties, and then offers some rational and justifiable suggestions for compromise. Instead of doing what you said you do this morning, for instance, maybe you could just do it later tonight? I know you said you wouldn’t skip today, but what if you made it up by doing twice the work tomorrow? Or how about we give ourselves some grace on the commitments we made, now that we see just how hard keeping them is gonna be? With enough time and creativity, our negotiator can usually find a proposal we’re willing to accept. The problem for anyone who really wants to win is that the negotiator in our mind is not actually some impartial third-party intermediary. Despite appearances, the negotiator's actually a covert employee of our inner loser. Our inner loser calls on the negotiator because our inner loser is smart. It knows the commitments we’ve made and the desires we have are important to us. It knows it can’t just convince us that we shouldn’t want to be great or that our dreams and aspirations are foolish. So instead it takes a softer and more subtle approach. It brings the negotiator in to offer a more comfortable and more convenient path to the success we say we’re after. The truth, of course, is that in reality there is no comfortable or convenient path to real success. Our inner champion confirms that. In fact, our inner champion assures us that becoming someone worthy of winning in the important areas of life will be both uncomfortable and inconvenient. That’s why every negotiation we allow ourselves to accept is a win for our inner loser, because it knows that compromising our commitments this time will only make that same decision easier for next time. It’s a highly effective formula for softly and subtly keeping us from our potential. So what’s the big takeaway for today? It’s simple. Don’t negotiate. Recognize that that voice in your mind is not some impartial third-party intermediary. The negotiator works for your inner loser, and the idea that you can compromise your commitments - that you can find a comfortable and convenient path to the success you say you’re after - is a lie, one you better recognize and resist. Your very best requires you not just to make the necessary commitments, but more importantly...to keep them. It requires you to recognize where that willingness to compromise comes from and the reality of where it leads. It requires you to keep clarifying and cultivating the voice of your inner champion, so in your moments of testing you can make the difficult decision - the often uncomfortable and inconvenient decision - to put your inner loser in its place, and to confirm a simple winning belief: I don't negotiate. -Travis